It strikes me that, while a man may conceivably live pretty much a whole life doing his own thing before 'settling down' and parenting at, say, age 50*, I, as a woman, don't really have that option. I have maybe 10 years left before I should definitely get onto that, if I want to do it; 5 if I want to be on the safe side; none if I want to be really safe and increase the chances of a healthy birth (for myself and the baby). Allegedly, I've just traversed the summit and it's all downhill from *right now*.
This kind of sucks. Because once I take that step, that's what will define my life from there on.
Until very recently, I thought I was totally fine with that. I have always liked to define myself in relation to others anyway, especially in terms of care relationships, and pretty much could hardly wait to be a mother and live out my days pouring my life into a few people that I loved. Now, having just kind of discovered my own identity, and the possibilties open to me, and that there
are other things I want to do on my own account... well, it seems like that would have been a good thing to discover at 16, rather than 24, is all. I used to shake my head at the feminists who thought they needed more than a domestic life, because they obviously didn't see how rich and full that could be. I still kinda feel that way, and it's not particularly that I want to be 'recognised in the male sphere' or anything. It is just, purely and simply, that I want my own life for a while longer than I thought I would.
Oh, plus, the other part is: I'm extremely fraught over the issue of being, as a woman, cast in the role of a 'temptation' for men - the thing for which a man might choose to give up his personal quest, whatever it may be, and 'settle down'. I hate that. I don't want to do that to somebody.
So I guess the answer is for me to marry, at age 30, a 60 year old who has already lived a full life. Hm...
*yes I do realise that sperm count declines etc, but my understanding is that the time period is still longer for men, and there are fewer issues involved.
edit: oh yeah, these thoughts have been stimulated by reading the Earthsea Chronicles, particularly book 4, if that means anything to anyone. The hero of the books does precisely that - I think he's actually in his 60s when he eventually gets laid and gets married, having reached the end of his career as a mage and doer of noble deeds. But the woman in question, by this stage, has already given up her life as a self-determining 'hero' 25 years ago, married, been all domestic and had a family, and been widowed; this is round 2 for her. The way it's described in the book made me sort of sad.
