Progress
Well, for a change, I'm feeling quite happy about where I'm at at the moment.
A friend asked me recently, what gets me excited. I'm not a very excitable person, but my response was, 'the uncertainty of life'. The fact that there's so much to learn and experience and figure out. The fact that the journey is never over, and that we haven't been given all the answers. When I think about life that way, I don't mind so much that things are confusing. In fact I'm glad they are, because it's so much better than having everything handed to you, and I actually find it quite fun. It's the chase that gives variation and interest to life. And I can't help thinking that must have been God's intention in some way, in choosing to hide Himself from us.
I guess I'm a little more confident than I've been before, that it's ok to be in this phase, that millions have been here before me, that God's not going to smite me for it, and that one day it might end - but even if it doesn't, that'll be ok too. As long as I get on with something in the meantime.
Which means, of course, that there's really no excuse for me to sulk anymore, and avoid God. Fortunately I'm also discovering I can still serve God and even the Church despite my uncertainty, so there's no excuse not to do that either. I can even be of service to my youth group kids who are trying to figure out what Christianity is - even though I have no idea myself.
Still don't know where to go from here. Bible College is looking appealing, but I don't really want to leave Christchurch in the middle of all the good stuff that's going on with my youth group. Getting out of academia and doing some living is looking...well not appealing exactly but probably a good idea, though again I don't specially want to leave Chch. But I've kinda got that peaceful feeling I used to have, that something will turn up and whatever happens I will try to live well. Actually peaceful is probably not the right word. More like excited and slightly nervous, but in a good way.
Yeah, so that's me.
A friend asked me recently, what gets me excited. I'm not a very excitable person, but my response was, 'the uncertainty of life'. The fact that there's so much to learn and experience and figure out. The fact that the journey is never over, and that we haven't been given all the answers. When I think about life that way, I don't mind so much that things are confusing. In fact I'm glad they are, because it's so much better than having everything handed to you, and I actually find it quite fun. It's the chase that gives variation and interest to life. And I can't help thinking that must have been God's intention in some way, in choosing to hide Himself from us.
I guess I'm a little more confident than I've been before, that it's ok to be in this phase, that millions have been here before me, that God's not going to smite me for it, and that one day it might end - but even if it doesn't, that'll be ok too. As long as I get on with something in the meantime.
Which means, of course, that there's really no excuse for me to sulk anymore, and avoid God. Fortunately I'm also discovering I can still serve God and even the Church despite my uncertainty, so there's no excuse not to do that either. I can even be of service to my youth group kids who are trying to figure out what Christianity is - even though I have no idea myself.
Still don't know where to go from here. Bible College is looking appealing, but I don't really want to leave Christchurch in the middle of all the good stuff that's going on with my youth group. Getting out of academia and doing some living is looking...well not appealing exactly but probably a good idea, though again I don't specially want to leave Chch. But I've kinda got that peaceful feeling I used to have, that something will turn up and whatever happens I will try to live well. Actually peaceful is probably not the right word. More like excited and slightly nervous, but in a good way.
Yeah, so that's me.
posted by Kat | 9/17/2006 02:39:00 pm
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