I have become a spectator.
I was noticing it this weekend, at the two church services I went to (at two different churches). I don't sing much anymore, because I'm too busy analysing the words to see whether I agree with them. If I don't agree with them, I seem to automatically assume an attitude of aloofness, so the good stuff can't get in either. I keep my eyes open during prayer - which obviously is not so bad in itself, but is indicative of my inability/refusal to engage personally. I find it difficult to pray myself, either aloud in group settings or on my own. When listening to teaching, I think hard about the words being said and whether or not they're good and right, but I don't let in the good, and my attitude is probably a proud one. I bestow my intellectual assent where appropriate, and leave it at that. At least that's how it felt this weekend. When I talk about the service with people afterwards, we frequently fall to discussing the bad points. This is so with family as well as friends.
Is there any escape from intellectualism once one is hooked on it? Is it possible to 'let go' without compromising one's intellectual honesty?
I might add, cell group is probably an exception. There, amongst likeminded people whom I love and respect in a personal sense, my intellectual bent seems to find what it is seeking, in an environment that encourages questioning and discussion. When that happens I can get enthusiastic and can accept God's word for myself, and act on it. And there are other things too, of course, that help, such as nature and music.
Nonetheless, I feel very much at odds, regarding God. We don't talk; I study, and He does...whatever it is He does. When I do talk to Him, I either feel guilty about not having done so for so long, and consequently spend most of the time apologising and throwing excuses and questions and woes at Him, or else, if I decide to skip that part and act on the assumption that He accepts me when I turn to Him, I feel like a hypocrite.
Is there any escape from intellectualism once one is hooked on it? Is it possible to 'let go' without compromising one's intellectual honesty?
I might add, cell group is probably an exception. There, amongst likeminded people whom I love and respect in a personal sense, my intellectual bent seems to find what it is seeking, in an environment that encourages questioning and discussion. When that happens I can get enthusiastic and can accept God's word for myself, and act on it. And there are other things too, of course, that help, such as nature and music.
Nonetheless, I feel very much at odds, regarding God. We don't talk; I study, and He does...whatever it is He does. When I do talk to Him, I either feel guilty about not having done so for so long, and consequently spend most of the time apologising and throwing excuses and questions and woes at Him, or else, if I decide to skip that part and act on the assumption that He accepts me when I turn to Him, I feel like a hypocrite.
posted by Kat | 7/25/2005 03:09:00 pm
8 Comments:
thanks for sharing, here's my 2c:
We are to come to Christ as little children, by faith etc. That's not throwing out your brain, it's submitting it to God - as all things should be.
Remember the song "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so". A simple theology. (J I Packer wrote that the mark of good theology is that people want to sing about it [God Has Spoken]).
god bless!
Often in theology or the study of God we seem to be the subject and God is the object to be the twisted and turned to discover the secrets of his existence. However, theology is actually where God is the subject and humanity is the object.
You linked to my other blog! I love you! *ahem* er... yeah funny I agree with you about the song thing, I've basically stopped singing at morning church because I disagree with the lyrics so much, so now 'worship' only occurs for me at night church and boy do I find I need that fix every week. I dunno. I've realised I've begun to look for/crave genuine, sincere worship rather than pumped up hype and feel-good converted pop, although I suspect you and I are critiqing (sp?) our sermons and lyrics for slightly different reasons. At least you're still talking to God :D Maybe we should start a new denomination? The Third Day Intellectual-ites?
It is annoying when you start to realise that you don't agree with what the songs are suggesting. I'm not entirely sure how to get around it as being honest is critical to our faith and how can we sing and proclaim something we don't belive or agree with.
I Personally get around this to a degree by either changing the words slightly or adding an extra one or two quitely that "corrects" the song or simply by not singing that section of the song. Thankfully ABC isn't to bad it's choice of songs and there are very few that I disagree with.
With regards to prayer I've fallen somewhat into what I think of as a brethern based habit saying/thinking amen/agreeing quitely during the prayer with the bits at I truthfully can agree with while staying silent in the bits that I disagree with.
With regards to sermons I must admit I disagree with a decent number of them, however theres often one or two things that are said that I do agree with and often they remind me or making me think of things that I've not considered before or at least for a while. So I'll think through those while paying some attention to what the persons saying.
The feeling Intellectual supriority is a lot harder to deal with and I don't think I really have managed to do so. The closest I get is reminding my self that, though I think I'm right that I understand it better, I may be wrong and in either case the people around me are just likely to end up in heaven as I am if not more so.
Again with regards to prayer I've fallen into a habit of praying before falling asleep at night a habit thats reached the point were I find it hard to sleep if I haven't prayed at least a bit first. The problem I have there is less not praying often enough and more that I feel my prayer is not since enough and that I don't honor and thank god enough for what he's done.
The other thing with prayer is that I really do not like group prayer to me it's something personal rather than something shared.
I'm not really sure if there is a way to escape intellectualism once we have embraced it at least not easily. The only way that I can really see of doing it that I don't think would compromise one's intellectual honesty is by the devlopment of ones faith to a point we're were it is so personal that the external forms no longer have any meaning to us. A point at what we do and think no longer matters as it is for God, God being the centre and all of our being. The problem is I'm just not sure if that is a level I can ever reach.
One interesting thing mentioned in church a couple of weeks ago is that our faith is sort of an exponetial curve of stairs. It's as though God sets us a mountain to climb we reach the top of the first one and God says good on you here's another one to climb, one that is even larger than the first and each time we climb one, he sets us another one even larger. The mountains are alos like stairs because we don't climb down after each stair the next one builds on the previous.
The interesting thing about this is that as we get "closer" to God it appears to us that we are further away simply because before we couldn't see the next mountain.
So as our faith matures we start to realise how far away from god we acctually are! Not because we've moved away from him but because we've come to understand or comprehend that God is more than we ever could imagine before!
Hmmmmm - I guess we must ask ourselves, "what is the point of us intellectualising our faith?" For me, that is a very personal question, and stems from my innate desire to know the 'why' behind things. Thus, I guess I am healthily sceptical when it comes to listening to a sermon, or singing worship songs.
However, just because I am guarding my thoughts and making sure I am agreeing with all that I am singing, doesn't mean that that is the point of worship.
If you look at the Pharisees, they were obsessed with getting it *just* right. Following all the rules to the letter and making sure that their every daily routine was in accordance with the scriptures.
Now normally, there wouldn't be anything wrong with this, and many people may have looked at them back then and thought them on the right track and very holy for incorporating God into all aspects of their life.
How interesting that when Jesus comes, there is no-one he is more vocally disapproving of! They had intellectuallised their faith so much that their faith had become the rules, rather than what the rules represented.
God knows you heart, and if you are truly seeking after him, and mean something in your heart, I don't believe that the particular words you are singing have that much effect on what God thinks you are saying. Sure it is nice to get the two to line up, but I don't think that should get in the way between you and God.
Persoanlly, I would say that I do about 40% of my prayer in groups, and 60% on my own, but the two are very different. I could say that I am a lot more free in my dialogue when I am praying alone, and am not afraid of opening up completely to God, which is why I think that prayer alone is beneficial. However, prayer in groups is also beneficial, as it reminds us that we all have a connection to God, and I think there is something special in praying as a group.
A quick thought..... "when two or more are gathered in my name,......" - does this mean that God is not present when you pray to him by yourself?! :P (I'm kidding - perhaps would make a good heresy of the week)
I have a white-list of worhip songs that I keep in the back of my mind. Ones that I have previously looked at and analysed to see if I agree with. If the worship team then starts one of those songs, I know that I will not be tricked into singing something I don't mean, and can dispose of my over-intellectualisation for the moment.
I guess that is why I love the worship at ABC so much, they have a basic set of about 20 songs that they choose from, and 99% of them are really good solid stuff. What is more, as I have been going there for so long, I know what is on my white-list and what isn't, and as such, worship there is almost not intellectual at all. :P
I remeber a sermon at ABC once by a visiting dude, attempting to explain what happens during worship.
Imagine you have God on one side of the room, and You on the other. If you accept that worship is all about connecting with God, (along with glorifying him, giving him praise rar rar rar), imagine that throughout the set you try and walk towards God on the other side of the room - opening yourself to him. There are various barriers that can be thrown up to prevent you from getting any closer. These barriers include:
- Overly worrying about what others think of you and how stupid you look. Your focus is not on God, but on the people around you.
- Overly enjoying/analysing the music. Your focus is not on God, but rather, having fun with the harmonies etc that you can make. (I am terrible at this).
- Overly analysing the words of the songs to see whether or not you agree with them. Your focus is not on God, but on the words. The point isn't the singing, the point isn't the words of the song, the point is the connection. While I draw the line at singing something I blatantly don't agree with, if a song comes up that I don't agree with, I pray instead. The focus must always be on God.
We must be careful therefore - that we do not turn God into a set of rules, or try and encapsulate him in some snappy lyrics. All lyrics fall short of describing him, so in reality, all songs are mere impressionistic paintings of a beautiful landscape.
Imagine that you are stanging on top of Mt Everest, surveying all of India and the Himalayas, standing on top of the world. You managed to carry up an easel and some oil paints with you, and are sitting ther painting a picture of the view. Which is the true picture? Your painting, or the view in front of you? Your focus is on both, but it is the view that drives your painting, not the oher way around.
Some may quibble that the painting doesn't look exactly like the stunning vista, but the painting would never do it justice. The painting is a representation, one that could never be as beautiful or as the view in real life. The purpose of the painting is twofold. To remind you of the view you had on top of the mountain, and to give others some idea of what the view looked like, perhaps to encourage them to go and see it for themselves. The painting does not define the view you saw, all it can be is a good description of what it looked like up there, or a bad one. The view is unchanged no matter what the painting looks like.
Hey Katherine,
I know just what you mean. I was wondering if we should do 'alternate church' where those of us who are confuzzled meet together once a month and sing songs that we've okayed, and discuss the bible, and try and pray together.
Sometimes I just dont know anymore! Are we really such a small minority that dont seem to fit in anymore? And seem to struggle with our intellectualism and how it relates to seeking God.
*sigh*
at least i'm not alone...
I find that often in church I get to know the songs really quite well that I think i end up just singing the songs and words regardless of whether I agree with them but I kind of just think/pray/sing differently in my head. I dunno, it's kind of like I separate my singing from my thoughts in a way.
I don't always do that - just sometimes, but I don't know how 'good' it is cos tehnically I'm still singing the words without knowing if i agree with them or not!
Like Mike i also remember that guy that came and talked about worship cos I often think about stuff he said when I'm sposed to be worshipping- ie, I'll think about something (a barrier thing) and then I think about how that's distracting me, then about what else could be a distraction, then i think about how my thoughts have actually become the distraction - it's a vicious cycle!!
Anyways, that's about it from me for today!! : )
I love this post =) It's so honest, and I can so relate.
There is danger in over-intellectialisation. But, we should address concerns and not sweep them under the carpet. However, a few points are worth a mention...
Your relationship with God is exactly that - yours. You do not have to relate in the same way as other people, or do the same things they do, or enjoy the things they do. Don't let the way other's do things get in the way of actually knowing and loving God, and knowing His love for you.
I too find myself disagreeing with lyrics and sermons much of the time, but I know that there is something i can learn from others - even if it is how to love them in spite of what I don't like.
I must go now but will write more later.
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