The elusive quest for significance
Man, you guys are all so super-smart. I must confess I find it a bit intimidating at times. Formerly, I was used to being the smart one in most of the contexts in which I found myself - strange as it may sound. And I don't like being in situations where everyone is better at something than me. I like to avoid such situations. Not that I always have to be the best, but you know. I won't attempt to deny it coz it's true.
This is all part of a general trend involving me discovering more and more, as I discover more and more about the world, how insignificant I and my slight achievements really are. Sad but true. I have some talents, but I do not have genius. I will probably have little influence in the wider world beyond my circle of acquaintance. I will be forgotten within a generation or two of my death. That's the way it goes.
Kelly James Clark, whose book I have just finished reading, talks about these things, in his discussion of the creation of the self. He notes that we are brought into the world surrounded by abundant evidence that we must be the most important person in the world - within the domestic sphere that is the sum total of our experience, we are, as infants, right at the centre, with our parents satisfying our every whim. We are sheltered from any awareness of the apathetic, even hostile, outside world, the knowledge of which is too frightening for us to cope with except by learning it gradually as we grow up.
We learn of our littleness in stages. Siblings arrive and we must share our parents' attention with others; we meet other kids and find we are but one of many, and have to assert ourselves in this wider context; we try to stay on top through school, in whatever niche we can find for ourselves (academic success, popularity, sport etc.), only to find, on leaving, that the competition only gets steeper as we go on. Perhaps we find we are only average in our tertiary studies; or we excel as undergraduates, and even in postgrad, but soon find ourselves but one of many super-smart professors in our field around the world, and unable to make an impact in that sphere.
I don't think it will be my lot to be great at anything. I lack the ambition, even if I do have the skill. Perhaps all I am here to do (if I may use that terminology) is love people, be a friend and family member, drive people round the place, bake cookies, make the odd wise-crack and laugh heartily at everyone else's, help people toss around their ideas as they search for their own place in the world, and basically try to make people's lives more enjoyable if I can. Perhaps I will be able to facilitate the growth of others in various ways. Perhaps I will have the privilege of serving someone great. That will be enough for me. At least I think so. Rebuke me if you think I'm going astray here.
This is all part of a general trend involving me discovering more and more, as I discover more and more about the world, how insignificant I and my slight achievements really are. Sad but true. I have some talents, but I do not have genius. I will probably have little influence in the wider world beyond my circle of acquaintance. I will be forgotten within a generation or two of my death. That's the way it goes.
Kelly James Clark, whose book I have just finished reading, talks about these things, in his discussion of the creation of the self. He notes that we are brought into the world surrounded by abundant evidence that we must be the most important person in the world - within the domestic sphere that is the sum total of our experience, we are, as infants, right at the centre, with our parents satisfying our every whim. We are sheltered from any awareness of the apathetic, even hostile, outside world, the knowledge of which is too frightening for us to cope with except by learning it gradually as we grow up.
We learn of our littleness in stages. Siblings arrive and we must share our parents' attention with others; we meet other kids and find we are but one of many, and have to assert ourselves in this wider context; we try to stay on top through school, in whatever niche we can find for ourselves (academic success, popularity, sport etc.), only to find, on leaving, that the competition only gets steeper as we go on. Perhaps we find we are only average in our tertiary studies; or we excel as undergraduates, and even in postgrad, but soon find ourselves but one of many super-smart professors in our field around the world, and unable to make an impact in that sphere.
I don't think it will be my lot to be great at anything. I lack the ambition, even if I do have the skill. Perhaps all I am here to do (if I may use that terminology) is love people, be a friend and family member, drive people round the place, bake cookies, make the odd wise-crack and laugh heartily at everyone else's, help people toss around their ideas as they search for their own place in the world, and basically try to make people's lives more enjoyable if I can. Perhaps I will be able to facilitate the growth of others in various ways. Perhaps I will have the privilege of serving someone great. That will be enough for me. At least I think so. Rebuke me if you think I'm going astray here.
posted by Kat | 1/15/2005 01:25:00 am
9 Comments:
You make an interesting argument. In this age of empowerment, the only correct thing to say here is that you can realise your dreams, and that there is nothing that you cannot do if only you apply yourself.
If you sit back and look at this analytically, one must accept the fact that this is so much horse-manure. There is only so-many space shuttle flights, and only ever so many astronoauts. Thus if EVERYONE applys themselves, then no matter how hard some people try, they will always fall short.
Like the scaling on School C exams. Even if everyone tries their best, or are all a bunch of brain-boxes, half of them will STILL fail.
The failure here is not of the people, but of their goals. I am not condoning not having any goals at all, but having different goals to others is by no means a bad thing.
Some people are natural supporters and helpers, just as some people ar natural leaders. In fact, one could argue that the people behind the scenes are more important than the people in the limelight. As the saying goes, behind every great man is the love of a good woman :P
In the world we live in at the moment, I would get in trouble for a comment like that. How effective do you think Martin Luther King would have been as a public speaker if he had spoken those immortal words.....
"I have a dream........ where are my pants?"
Wanting to help other people is a very noble and wonderful attribute. It speaks of selflessness, humility and ability to find pleasure in the smaller things of life. People like that help to keep the rest of the world anchored in reality.
Some people might tell you that the fact that you have "no goals", or are lacking in dreams. Don't let them sway you, your dreams may be different, and if anything, are more constructive than most.
"I don't think it will be my lot to be great at anything. I lack the ambition, even if I do have the skill. Perhaps all I am here to do (if I may use that terminology) is love people, be a friend and family member, drive people round the place, bake cookies, make the odd wise-crack and laugh heartily at everyone else's, help people toss around their ideas as they search for their own place in the world, and basically try to make people's lives more enjoyable if I can. Perhaps I will be able to facilitate the growth of others in various ways. Perhaps I will have the privilege of serving someone great. That will be enough for me. At least I think so. Rebuke me if you think I'm going astray here."Well all I'll say is if thats all you intend to do you may end up having a bigger impact than most of us and a better impact.
Heh, thanks Paulie :) Though please note that the whole point is that I feel fine on the whole. Might need to read to the end to figure that out though ;)
Great post! Great questions...
A few thoughts... I don't think one should try and compete - even with one's self. It only makes you unhappy with yourself, and being 'better' is never a good source of identity anyway.
I competed against myself for years. I had to be the best I could be, the smartest, the most musical... all this stuff. It took me years to realise I really did want to be better than other people. I feel better now that I realised and decided to not try and be better than other people, nor be the best I can be, but to be the best friend I can be to others and God.
When I was younger, I had massive dreams. But as I've grown up I've seen where real treasure in life is - and it's usually not in being a famous person. Sure, maybe I could become a great leader and have my opinions known and accepted by everyone... but as Paul would say, if I have not love, I am but a clanging gong. =)
Somehow, it appears to me that there is more treasure in building the most amazingly good friendships with the few people in your aquaintance, with your family, and with God, than there ever will be in anything but friendship. The meaning of life, in my opinion, is to love. God first, others second. Nothing is as great as love. Learn to love well, and your life is not wasted.
But being 'significant' in the world seems to have more to do with being somebody than loving somebody. There are probably scores of successful CEO's and leaders who I don't even know of care about, who probably haven't affected my life at all. But my family, my friends, God - they are the heros of my life.
What is the worth of a single friendship? Priceless. What is the worth of success? Hardly more than the cost of a single friendship. Those are my idealistic views.
Practially, I'd love to be someone 'significant' - a great success. I'd love the world to revolve around me. But then I know I'd look back at my life in disgust if I had not done the important things in life. Few people on their death wish they had been more successful, but many wish they had been more loving.
I blather. Very insightful about learning about or littleness as we grow. I've never thought of that before. As we take our childish ideals into adulthood we can often be disappointed.
Sure, being smart and successful may help the world significantly... but who wants to help the world? I want to help people, and smartness or success are never as effective as love. So what if I am smart? It probably makes me worse at loving others. So what if I am remembered by the history books? I don't want my achievements to be remembered, I want those few good parts of me that rub off to others to live on in them and help them as they have helped me. As Paul might also say, we are vessels of different types - but it is not the vessel that is important, it is what it contains.
Hmm... yes, I like that idea.
Your comments would be appreciated.
Yes, exactly.
As fate would have it, just this weekend I got a chance to try and defend these ideas in company somewhat less understanding than all you marvellous people. I was up in Blenheim with my extended family, and fell to talking with my uncle at dinner. Like most of my family on that side, he's a pretty successful man, with all the status symbols, pretty happy with his life. And the inevitable question came up: what am I planning to do with my life, once I've finished my studies? What sort of career do I have in mind?
Three possible answers presented themselves to me as I quickly considered how to approach this rather awkward question: I could just say 'I still have no idea' and leave it at that; I could say 'I want to be a housewife' and brace myself for what would follow; or I could be brave and really attempt to explain what I mean to achieve in life, beyond any of that. I decided to be brave. And of course it went down like a lead balloon. You can just see how it sounds like absolute folly to other people. I suspect he thought me very naive and irresponsible.
Later on, my cousin's partner was talking about his business and his ambitions for it, and he said something that seemed to me a little ironic: 'You've got to have goals or you'll never get anywhere. Some people are happy to settle for a mediochre life, and if that's all they aim at that's all they'll get, but I don't want to just sit on my bum.' Which of course is true, as Mike observed above, only my idea of a mediochre life is somewhat different to what my cousin's partner had in mind.
Perhaps if I had been more eloquent I could have portrayed my vision in a way that would have seemed more honourable, and not just like laziness. Or perhaps I could never have made them understand. I am fortunate that my immediate family do understand, but perhaps in the wider world I will always be having to defend myself in this area. Still, I'm not likely to change just on account of that.
Yes, good point Ross. Always nice when someone doesn't just agree and makes me question myself again :) Because I guess the heart of the matter (from my point of view I mean) is that this is the way I am - no particular 'direction in life' in the conventional sense, never really had the big dreams you and Reuben and Lyndon mentioned - and I'm trying to justify this about myself and convince myself it's a valid way to live. If it's not, I would want to change.
Reuben, I must profess myself perplexed by the comment 'who wants to help the world?' That's what I want to do. And I'm not sure whether I'm being a realist or a coward when, on trying to look in the face of the magnitude of the task and find somewhere I can fit in and do something, I am inclined to cower and say 'no, this is all I can do.' Perhaps if I dredged up some impossible dreams from somewhere inside me, I really would achieve more, even if I ended up disillusioned and disappointed as well. Maybe - and I'm honestly not sure whther this is the case - I'm just afraid of the disillusionment, and maybe I ought to see that as an acceptable price to pay for making some impact.
I think the greatest thing you can do in life is achieve the purpose for which you were made. Perhaps it won't be the greatest achievement in the eyes of others, or even yourself yet, but it sure will be the best thing you end up doing in the eyes of God.
Having said that, very few of us know what it is that we are purposed for, I don’t know what I’m meant to do with my life yet. But even if you haven’t seen the plans, you can still follow the instructions of the architect.
So for now at least, get to know God more, grow in your relationship with him, follow his commands, and do your best to please him with what you know you can do. And pray that he’ll open your eyes and ears to his will, and to be able trust him in what you don’t know. And enjoy life!
Rebuke you? For what? For what you lack in ambition, you definitely make up for in humbleness. I must say, of all the blogs I have read, your's is by far, the best. Remember the greatest man who ever lived, was also the most humble. Who was he?
Jesus. Not only was He humble, He loved people just like you do. Whatever you find yourself doing in life it will probably be just right for you. And lastly, Matt, you are 100% right. God designed a role for everyone in this world to play. Let me tell you something, If you are living the way God wants you to, and you are being the best person you can be and working hard at it, there is no way out there you can go wrong. You just won't. You mentioned you went on a missionary trip. Sounds like a blast. Hope I have let a good comment.
P.S. (Keep up your exellent work:)
Sorry, I mean, "hope I have left a good comment".
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