Shit
I just realised a massive and, one might think, pretty obvious contradiction in my current attitude towards God and religion.
Following on from the previous post, I was thinking about how that song made me feel silly for not believing, and my response is a very defensive one obviously: I don't want to be emotionally manipulated into believing (i.e. believing in a God - not as a means to salvation or whatever but just as something that it would be pleasant to have settled in my mind). If I 'come back' to theism, I don't want it to be because I was shamed into it. I want it to be because... well... what?
Because I choose to come back? But that makes it quite an arbitrary decision, and that's not good enough. I want to believe something because it is true.
But at the same time, I don't want to be forced to believe something. Feeling that I have no choice stirs up my rebellious side. Makes me want to look for ways to make trouble.
Well, if I won't choose, and I won't be forced, and I won't be dragged by the heart, what would it take for me to come back? My position is unfalsifiable. Which means it's no longer about truth; it's about an agenda.
Shit.
(actually I'm pretty sure there's some very bad philosophy in there. i'm getting content mixed up with form, and it's basically a shambles. oh well; it has a certain aesthetic value so i'll let it stand before i pull it apart.)
Following on from the previous post, I was thinking about how that song made me feel silly for not believing, and my response is a very defensive one obviously: I don't want to be emotionally manipulated into believing (i.e. believing in a God - not as a means to salvation or whatever but just as something that it would be pleasant to have settled in my mind). If I 'come back' to theism, I don't want it to be because I was shamed into it. I want it to be because... well... what?
Because I choose to come back? But that makes it quite an arbitrary decision, and that's not good enough. I want to believe something because it is true.
But at the same time, I don't want to be forced to believe something. Feeling that I have no choice stirs up my rebellious side. Makes me want to look for ways to make trouble.
Well, if I won't choose, and I won't be forced, and I won't be dragged by the heart, what would it take for me to come back? My position is unfalsifiable. Which means it's no longer about truth; it's about an agenda.
Shit.
(actually I'm pretty sure there's some very bad philosophy in there. i'm getting content mixed up with form, and it's basically a shambles. oh well; it has a certain aesthetic value so i'll let it stand before i pull it apart.)
posted by Kat | 9/05/2008 03:16:00 pm
3 Comments:
have you got yourself a man to fuck and gotten over your "Christianity is still a part of my life" part of your life over and done with yet? that generally does it for most of the ex-Christian girls i know, saves a lot of 'philosophising'
Heh. Men (and the biological clock): discouraging women from thinking since... forever.
I'm 'over it' in the sense that it no longer bothers me particularly, and has receded into the realms of mere curiosity (for the most part). Wouldn't say I'm past it yet though. I'm comfortable with where I'm at.
Heh - what's the point of making bold statements if you can't withdraw them a wee bit later? :P Also, with the whole pulling shit apart thing - you might want to give it a little time so the smell goes and it dries and solidifies. Liquid poo is not much fun to play with.
Scatology aside, time's good. For... things festering and working themselves out in your head as you find new info and such. Hurrah for being comfortable in your skin and with philosophomorphising :)
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