A disaster

Our flat is reeling today from the loss of one of our members, whose unexplained disappearance has left the rest of us rather shell-shocked. Personally I'm feeling rather bewildered, wondering if there was anything I could have done, and how this could have happened, and I'm sure the others are feeling the same way. Having been dimly aware of our friend's gradual withdrawal from flat life, I think none of us suspected how serious the problem really was until last night, when we discovered the disappearance. The missing party, known to friends as A Somewhat Significant Portion of the Contents of our Crockery Cupboard, had great sentimental value for all of us, as well as obvious practical functions, and was beloved by all frequenters of our flat.

We are prepared to offer an amnesty guarantee for anyone who may have had anything to do with this lamentable course of events. We're down to our last four dinner plates, which means doing dishes every single day until the missing items are restored - an unenviable plight in anyone's books. Thus our primary concern is not revenge, but simply to see the family of our flat made whole again. No rewards offered - we are certain that our gracious forgiveness will be seen as reward enough.

[On a more serious note, some of that stuff was AJ's dad's and he's pretty anxious to get it back. Funny joke but yeah.]